Details, Details

According to a temperament test I took a while ago I am strongly a "Melancholy" temperament. (with the rest mostly in "Phlegmatic")  Everyone of each temperament is, according to the test, generally characterized by certain qualities.  Two of the qualities of a Melancholy temperament are "Detail conscious" and "Perfectionist with high standards."


I would agree that I display these qualities and because of them I always like to have a perfect understanding of everything I'm dealing with.  Yet, I've come to realize that throughout my life there are some things that I will never understand or will take time to understand; both of which I'm not looking forward to.  I am very impatient, so waiting to get an answer is pure torture, but to never get an answer is even worse.  However, rather than getting caught up in what I don't know, I should be rejoicing in what I do know.  While people withhold information because of lack of trust or other selfish reasons,

This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. -1 John 5:14

Even though I won't ever have a perfect understanding of everything, I should understand perfectly that all I really need is God.

Too Much Noise?

This feels weird posting two days in a row and I'm probably not going to make it a habit, but I will post whenever I feel like it's necessary and that is how I feel tonight.


I know this is going to be weird no matter how I say it, so I'll just say it.  While I was in the shower, I was thinking about this semester as a whole and found a great metaphor for how it's been.


This semester it feels like God is up in heaven with a sound board that controls my trials and He's turning up the volume on one thing for a little while and then later lowering that one's volume to raise another's volume up.  The reason I say this, is because whenever I've had "too much homework" (stress in the academic area of my life) my relationships spiritually and socially have been great; but, as soon as I get a break from homework and get all this "free time," I suddenly feel like all of the high feelings in those relationships have been drained away. (stress in the social and spiritual areas of my life)


I know God probably has a reason for testing me in different areas at different times and not just to learn simple truths that can be applied only to those areas.  In fact, I believe he's been trying to teach me universal truths and principals through this constant re-distribution of stress.  For example, through homework He's been trying to teach me discipline, through relationships perseverance and through this fluctuation of highs and lows patience.  Although I still could use lots of work in all of those areas (and many more), I'm slowly starting to realize why God tests me like he does.

Crappy Attitudes

I figured that I ought to post this on a blog, rather than on Facebook, mainly for selfish reasons, but also because this is a better place to whine and complain about the things in life and just get everything on my mind "out there."

Recently, my life's been pretty bad.  While some of it hasn't been my fault, most of it has been because of me.  My general attitude toward nearly everyone and everything has been all-around horrible.

I decided that because people chose not to include me in all their plans and not give me the same attention I was trying to give them, I was going to reject them totally. I separated myself from everyone; eating meals completely alone, refusing to "hang out" with anyone at anytime, choosing to leave either physically or mentally at any sign of conversation, keeping my head low to avoid any possible eye contact, sitting by myself on the opposite side of the church during service to avoid even any and every chance of running into someone I might even slightly know.

I had every desire to actually be with people, but only if they showed the same desire to be with me.  If anyone even said that they needed to have "some time to be alone" or showed any sign of being " too busy with other things," then I decided that they were not deemed worthy of my trust, time or attention.  I already knew then that this was selfish and not what a "true friend" would do, but honestly, I didn't really give a care, because I only really cared about myself.

As I did all this, my days seemed to get worse and worse and began to think worse and worse thoughts about humanity in general:

However, a verse in Philippians stuck out to me today:

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things."

Philippians 4:8

I've begun to realize that while other people and things can effect my day, whether good or bad, it's ultimately up to me whether or not I allow them to have an effect on my day through my reaction (attitude) toward those people or things that I run into each day.  I shouldn't allow myself to be swayed by fleeting emotions or the current situations but rather be fixed on living by the unchanging principles that characterize a disciple of Christ.

Although it may seem like I have this all under control, I'm still sorting it out.  While I know what is right, I still cling on to what I think is right, because I can't ever seem to find any "hard evidence" in my day-to-day life that supports what I really know to be right is in fact true.

Priorities

My priorities are all of out of whack.

Here’s generally what I think they should be like:

1) Letting God have total control over absolutely everything in my life

2) Being an active witness for Christ to those in my sphere of influence

3) Family

4) Friends

5) Search for Spouse

6) Etc.

Here’s what they have been like recently:

1) Friends

2) Search for Spouse

3) Family

4) Attend every possible social event for the sake of fun

5) Grades

6) Etc.

I advise you who are reading this to take a few minutes to think about where your own priorities lie at this point in time whether they need any changing or re-arranging to be what they ought to be

Three Main Problems

Recently I’ve come to realize that the majority of my personal (self-inflicted) problems can be put into three general categories: selfishness, apathy, and impatience.  These three categories seem separate, yet I’m beginning to think that they all intermingle with each other.

Selfishness-   “The condition or quality of being selfish; selfish disposition or behaviour; regard for one's own interest or happiness to the disregard of the well-being of others.” (English Dictionary Oxford)

           

            I typically place things of less importance than my friendships before them, such as homework, sleep, and the greatest, being on the computer (i.e. Facebook, etc.).  I realize all of these are normally good things, however, I isolate myself to do homework and don’t get it done until the last minute, I sleep way over the recommended hours for the mere “enjoyment” of it and I do not accomplish many worthwhile things with my time on Facebook.  While I’m still on the topic of selfishness, I might as well point out another kind of selfishness I have: jealousy.  Whenever, someone else gets a care package, even though I ask, I almost “expect” to get a part of what they got, yet when I get a care package I don’t even bother to ask if they want something from my care package, unless I feel obligated to do so.  In addition to being possessive of my material things, I am the same way with my friends.  I get really jealous when they hang out with other people, as if they were my to own and no one else could have them for even as second.

Apathy- “lack of interest, enthusiasm, or concern.” (Oxford Dictionaries)

This is my second problem: when backed into a corner I usually choose to fall into the arms of apathy.  When the going gets tough, I get lazy, which although I know is bad, I do anyways time and time again.  While almost everyone deals with procrastination on some level, I feel like it’s invaded nearly every aspect of my life; because, of my apathy, in fact, I wasn’t even going to write this blog, because I thought it would be too hard for me to do.

Impatience- “the tendency to be impatient; irritability or restlessness:” (Oxford Dictionaries)

My third problem, patience is limited in an almost in a selective way.  I could wait months for the release of a new video game, but I can’t wait five seconds in a line for food at the Rot.  I think my impatience is partly sourced from my selfishness, because it begun to affect my ability to wait on people.  For example, yesterday I didn’t stop and talk to some friends, but instead walked away on my own, because I was afraid of it taking too much time, which would cause me to miss a bus that was still going to run for another 4 hours (by the way, when I got to the bus stop, I had to wait about 20 minutes, so I still had to wait).

I’ve been looking for solutions to these problems and didn’t find any until recently.  One of my favorite passages of scripture from the Bible is 1 Corinthians 4-8, because it describes “true love.” Jesus commands us to “Love God and our neighbor,” (Matthew 22:37-40, Mark 12:30-31, Luke 10:27) so it’s nice to get some clarification about what he means in other verses by Paul the apostle:

“Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails…”

-1 Corinthians 13:4-8

After reflecting upon this set of verses, along with the definitions of the words within them, I’ve realized that I’m living opposite of how I should be, at the very least in these aspects:

Kindness- “the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate.” (Oxford Dictionaries)

I need to learn to be less stingy with my resources, time and talents.  Actually giving God what’s His not only when the offering plate comes around, but also when a friend comes around with troubles and in my artwork.

Envy- “a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else's possessions, qualities, or luck.” (Oxford Dictionaries)

I need to become less jealous of when my friends hang out with other people, because it isn’t healthy and that person probably needs them as a friend just as much as I do, if not more.

Persevere- “continue in a course of action even in the face of difficulty or with little or no prospect of success” (Oxford Dictionaries)

I need to learn to be a person that says, “give up, trying to make me give up,” instead of giving up on the first sign of difficulty. (Kishimoto) I know that as a follower of Christ, my life will be characterized by suffering; therefore, I should be prepared to be someone who:

“[Works] hard with [his] own hands.  When [I am] cursed, [I should] bless; when [I am] persecuted, [I should] endure it; when [I am] slandered, [I should] answer kindly,” and be willing to become “the scum of the earth, the refuse of the world,” for the sake of Christ. (1 Corinthians 4:12-13)

Patience- “the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset” (Oxford Dictionaries)

I need to try to be more sensitive to the feelings of others by taking the time to stick around and listening to all that they have to say, but that isn’t all there is to patience.  I have to do this with a good attitude; not getting mad or worried about getting to my next “oh-so-important” thing.

I’m hoping that in fighting against these problems daily, I can be a better friend, steward and man of God.

Works Cited

Kishimoto, Masashi. "quotable quotes." goodreads. goodreads, Web. 26 Feb 2011. <http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/show/318676>.

"selfishness, n.". OED Online. November 2010. Oxford University Press. 26 February 2011 <http://www.oed.com/viewdictionaryentry/Entry/175308>.

"apathy". Oxford Dictionaries. April 2010. Oxford Dictionaries. April 2010. Oxford University Press. 26 February 2011 <http://oxforddictionaries.com/view/entry/m_en_us1222328>.

“impatience, adj.“. Oxford American Dictionaries. Oxford University Press. 26 February 2011.

"kindness". Oxford Dictionaries. April 2010. Oxford Dictionaries. April 2010. Oxford University Press. 26 February 2011 <http://oxforddictionaries.com/view/entry/m_en_us1261050>.

"envy". Oxford Dictionaries. April 2010. Oxford Dictionaries. April 2010. Oxford University Press. 26 February 2011 <http://oxforddictionaries.com/view/entry/m_en_us1244414>.

"persevere". Oxford Dictionaries. April 2010. Oxford Dictionaries. April 2010. Oxford University Press. 26 February 2011 <http://oxforddictionaries.com/view/entry/m_en_us1277124>.

"patience". Oxford Dictionaries. April 2010. Oxford Dictionaries. April 2010. Oxford University Press. 26 February 2011 <http://oxforddictionaries.com/view/entry/m_en_us1276086>.