Details, Details

According to a temperament test I took a while ago I am strongly a "Melancholy" temperament. (with the rest mostly in "Phlegmatic")  Everyone of each temperament is, according to the test, generally characterized by certain qualities.  Two of the qualities of a Melancholy temperament are "Detail conscious" and "Perfectionist with high standards."


I would agree that I display these qualities and because of them I always like to have a perfect understanding of everything I'm dealing with.  Yet, I've come to realize that throughout my life there are some things that I will never understand or will take time to understand; both of which I'm not looking forward to.  I am very impatient, so waiting to get an answer is pure torture, but to never get an answer is even worse.  However, rather than getting caught up in what I don't know, I should be rejoicing in what I do know.  While people withhold information because of lack of trust or other selfish reasons,

This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. -1 John 5:14

Even though I won't ever have a perfect understanding of everything, I should understand perfectly that all I really need is God.

Too Much Noise?

This feels weird posting two days in a row and I'm probably not going to make it a habit, but I will post whenever I feel like it's necessary and that is how I feel tonight.


I know this is going to be weird no matter how I say it, so I'll just say it.  While I was in the shower, I was thinking about this semester as a whole and found a great metaphor for how it's been.


This semester it feels like God is up in heaven with a sound board that controls my trials and He's turning up the volume on one thing for a little while and then later lowering that one's volume to raise another's volume up.  The reason I say this, is because whenever I've had "too much homework" (stress in the academic area of my life) my relationships spiritually and socially have been great; but, as soon as I get a break from homework and get all this "free time," I suddenly feel like all of the high feelings in those relationships have been drained away. (stress in the social and spiritual areas of my life)


I know God probably has a reason for testing me in different areas at different times and not just to learn simple truths that can be applied only to those areas.  In fact, I believe he's been trying to teach me universal truths and principals through this constant re-distribution of stress.  For example, through homework He's been trying to teach me discipline, through relationships perseverance and through this fluctuation of highs and lows patience.  Although I still could use lots of work in all of those areas (and many more), I'm slowly starting to realize why God tests me like he does.

Crappy Attitudes

I figured that I ought to post this on a blog, rather than on Facebook, mainly for selfish reasons, but also because this is a better place to whine and complain about the things in life and just get everything on my mind "out there."

Recently, my life's been pretty bad.  While some of it hasn't been my fault, most of it has been because of me.  My general attitude toward nearly everyone and everything has been all-around horrible.

I decided that because people chose not to include me in all their plans and not give me the same attention I was trying to give them, I was going to reject them totally. I separated myself from everyone; eating meals completely alone, refusing to "hang out" with anyone at anytime, choosing to leave either physically or mentally at any sign of conversation, keeping my head low to avoid any possible eye contact, sitting by myself on the opposite side of the church during service to avoid even any and every chance of running into someone I might even slightly know.

I had every desire to actually be with people, but only if they showed the same desire to be with me.  If anyone even said that they needed to have "some time to be alone" or showed any sign of being " too busy with other things," then I decided that they were not deemed worthy of my trust, time or attention.  I already knew then that this was selfish and not what a "true friend" would do, but honestly, I didn't really give a care, because I only really cared about myself.

As I did all this, my days seemed to get worse and worse and began to think worse and worse thoughts about humanity in general:

However, a verse in Philippians stuck out to me today:

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things."

Philippians 4:8

I've begun to realize that while other people and things can effect my day, whether good or bad, it's ultimately up to me whether or not I allow them to have an effect on my day through my reaction (attitude) toward those people or things that I run into each day.  I shouldn't allow myself to be swayed by fleeting emotions or the current situations but rather be fixed on living by the unchanging principles that characterize a disciple of Christ.

Although it may seem like I have this all under control, I'm still sorting it out.  While I know what is right, I still cling on to what I think is right, because I can't ever seem to find any "hard evidence" in my day-to-day life that supports what I really know to be right is in fact true.