Recently I’ve come to realize that the majority of my personal (self-inflicted) problems can be put into three general categories: selfishness, apathy, and impatience. These three categories seem separate, yet I’m beginning to think that they all intermingle with each other.
Selfishness- “The condition or quality of being selfish; selfish disposition or behaviour; regard for one's own interest or happiness to the disregard of the well-being of others.” (English Dictionary Oxford)
I typically place things of less importance than my friendships before them, such as homework, sleep, and the greatest, being on the computer (i.e. Facebook, etc.). I realize all of these are normally good things, however, I isolate myself to do homework and don’t get it done until the last minute, I sleep way over the recommended hours for the mere “enjoyment” of it and I do not accomplish many worthwhile things with my time on Facebook. While I’m still on the topic of selfishness, I might as well point out another kind of selfishness I have: jealousy. Whenever, someone else gets a care package, even though I ask, I almost “expect” to get a part of what they got, yet when I get a care package I don’t even bother to ask if they want something from my care package, unless I feel obligated to do so. In addition to being possessive of my material things, I am the same way with my friends. I get really jealous when they hang out with other people, as if they were my to own and no one else could have them for even as second.
Apathy- “lack of interest, enthusiasm, or concern.” (Oxford Dictionaries)
This is my second problem: when backed into a corner I usually choose to fall into the arms of apathy. When the going gets tough, I get lazy, which although I know is bad, I do anyways time and time again. While almost everyone deals with procrastination on some level, I feel like it’s invaded nearly every aspect of my life; because, of my apathy, in fact, I wasn’t even going to write this blog, because I thought it would be too hard for me to do.
Impatience- “the tendency to be impatient; irritability or restlessness:” (Oxford Dictionaries)
My third problem, patience is limited in an almost in a selective way. I could wait months for the release of a new video game, but I can’t wait five seconds in a line for food at the Rot. I think my impatience is partly sourced from my selfishness, because it begun to affect my ability to wait on people. For example, yesterday I didn’t stop and talk to some friends, but instead walked away on my own, because I was afraid of it taking too much time, which would cause me to miss a bus that was still going to run for another 4 hours (by the way, when I got to the bus stop, I had to wait about 20 minutes, so I still had to wait).
I’ve been looking for solutions to these problems and didn’t find any until recently. One of my favorite passages of scripture from the Bible is 1 Corinthians 4-8, because it describes “true love.” Jesus commands us to “Love God and our neighbor,” (Matthew 22:37-40, Mark 12:30-31, Luke 10:27) so it’s nice to get some clarification about what he means in other verses by Paul the apostle:
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails…”
-1 Corinthians 13:4-8
After reflecting upon this set of verses, along with the definitions of the words within them, I’ve realized that I’m living opposite of how I should be, at the very least in these aspects:
Kindness- “the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate.” (Oxford Dictionaries)
I need to learn to be less stingy with my resources, time and talents. Actually giving God what’s His not only when the offering plate comes around, but also when a friend comes around with troubles and in my artwork.
Envy- “a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else's possessions, qualities, or luck.” (Oxford Dictionaries)
I need to become less jealous of when my friends hang out with other people, because it isn’t healthy and that person probably needs them as a friend just as much as I do, if not more.
Persevere- “continue in a course of action even in the face of difficulty or with little or no prospect of success” (Oxford Dictionaries)
I need to learn to be a person that says, “give up, trying to make me give up,” instead of giving up on the first sign of difficulty. (Kishimoto) I know that as a follower of Christ, my life will be characterized by suffering; therefore, I should be prepared to be someone who:
“[Works] hard with [his] own hands. When [I am] cursed, [I should] bless; when [I am] persecuted, [I should] endure it; when [I am] slandered, [I should] answer kindly,” and be willing to become “the scum of the earth, the refuse of the world,” for the sake of Christ. (1 Corinthians 4:12-13)
Patience- “the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset” (Oxford Dictionaries)
I need to try to be more sensitive to the feelings of others by taking the time to stick around and listening to all that they have to say, but that isn’t all there is to patience. I have to do this with a good attitude; not getting mad or worried about getting to my next “oh-so-important” thing.
I’m hoping that in fighting against these problems daily, I can be a better friend, steward and man of God.
Works Cited
Kishimoto, Masashi. "quotable quotes." goodreads. goodreads, Web. 26 Feb 2011. <http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/show/318676>.
"selfishness, n.". OED Online. November 2010. Oxford University Press. 26 February 2011 <http://www.oed.com/viewdictionaryentry/Entry/175308>.
"apathy". Oxford Dictionaries. April 2010. Oxford Dictionaries. April 2010. Oxford University Press. 26 February 2011 <http://oxforddictionaries.com/view/entry/m_en_us1222328>.
“impatience, adj.“. Oxford American Dictionaries. Oxford University Press. 26 February 2011.
"kindness". Oxford Dictionaries. April 2010. Oxford Dictionaries. April 2010. Oxford University Press. 26 February 2011 <http://oxforddictionaries.com/view/entry/m_en_us1261050>.
"envy". Oxford Dictionaries. April 2010. Oxford Dictionaries. April 2010. Oxford University Press. 26 February 2011 <http://oxforddictionaries.com/view/entry/m_en_us1244414>.
"persevere". Oxford Dictionaries. April 2010. Oxford Dictionaries. April 2010. Oxford University Press. 26 February 2011 <http://oxforddictionaries.com/view/entry/m_en_us1277124>.
"patience". Oxford Dictionaries. April 2010. Oxford Dictionaries. April 2010. Oxford University Press. 26 February 2011 <http://oxforddictionaries.com/view/entry/m_en_us1276086>.
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